whenever I sneeze fart I feel like a neutron star

sibling relationships are so strange... like i love you. you will never understand me in a way that matters. we are the same person in drastically different ways. we are sewn together. we don't talk. we are attached at the hip. you wish i was never born. can i call you. let's eat together. i forgive you. etc

i don't have enough photos of you on my phone to make one your contact picture. we got the same tattoo completely by coincidence. why do you always get to be mario. i love the meals you cook. we live in different universes. you can stay at my house if you need. we have never been friends. you are more important to me than anyone on this earth

You're a Warlock. But instead of drawing power from a higher being, people can choose to donate a portion of their magical power to you. In exchange, they can scry on your adventures and can send telepathic messages to you, as well as make requests. It can get annoying, but you make it work.

“Alright, we’re about to head into the dungeon. Daz has gone ahead to check for traps, but we’re pretty confident -- hey,  M’stha’venalth the Destroyer, thanks for the three months, really appreciate it -- yeah we’re pretty confident we got the, uh, we got the thing in the bag, shouldn’t take more than a few sessions at best. Who needs a long rest, am I right? Oh, just got a Sending from Gleek, ‘are you gonna need Darkvision again’, nah, comrade, torches all the way. You know we gotta keep it real around here. Plus I love the burning pitch smell. Okay, good vibe emojis only, viewers, we’re going in!”

• Look Up Gay Porn.

Babe, is everything okay? You've barely touched your Castlevania: Symphony of the Night stove

HOW IS HE DODGING MY ATTACKS

You wouldn’t understand

is now a good time to mention that the woman in the screenshot literally runs rotatingsandwiches.com

bad and lazy design: having a couple have kids and the son(s) look exactly like the dad and the daughter(s) look exactly like the mom

i mean one of them is human

😂😂😂💋

thank you for your input, tumblr user thekinkstress

😏You are most welcome, beloved. 💋

Continuing my (accidental) Ace Attorney series with late 80’s Wright and Edgeworth! Just calling your rival your “work husband” until it sticks 😎

Constantine honest to god thought a child had just been stricken by lightning and died by his side